At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
