I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize