I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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