If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Even my vagina gasped.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
