We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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