in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
