he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath