the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃