so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
