holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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