He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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