You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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