can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
