It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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