yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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