He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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