sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
