i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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