if i can run in heels then i can drive
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
