he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
