Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
