Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
