He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
