Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm gonna fight the coyote
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
