i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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