like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
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you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
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You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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