Ambien. No doubt about it.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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