You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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