idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
