thus making me awesome and them whores
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
