Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
be right there i have to get my cape
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
