we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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