Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
