im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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