Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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