I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Nicole vs. Life
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
