dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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