i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
