She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
