I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
