I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
