do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
