conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
