I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
