So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
