just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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