I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
