im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
