in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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