i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
