I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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