we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
