it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
