i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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