A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
