She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
