Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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