i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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