I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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