I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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