i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
