it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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