Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You may now shotgun with the bride
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke